Exotic Animals from the Fortress of Solitude

Of course, it was the Evil Empress who decided to dress them up for Halloween-
Cat 1, who I actually do call Cat 1 sometimes, was a rescue from inside a mailbox about 16 years ago.  He is a long-hair, but doesn't shed.  Instead, he's incontinent.  Cat 2 was a stray who was saved from being gang-banged in our back yard.  She is a short-hair, that sheds like crazy, and hides in my underwear drawer when it's left open.  The dog is the one who is trying to murder me.  Her name is Chloe, which is really spelled "Cthulhu" - you Lovecraft fans know what I'm talkin' about.  Those aren't faked or Photoshopped fangs, and there is another set on the lower jaw.  Given the choice between 5 doggy chew toys laid on the floor and the hand that laid them there, she'll go for the hand every time, and usually gets a direct hit on a tendon or vein.  She's only about 30 pounds, but it is all muscle and evil.  She has a special trick: at least once a day she'll jump up on her hind legs and use her forelegs to punch me directly in the balls.