Victoria's Secret

There was a group from Victoria's Secret, which somebody should have figured out by now, at PELOTONIA this year, but they escaped before I had a chance to pitch them my ideas for undies for female Hocking College students:

• They have to partner with Carhartt - instead of PINK they would also have a BROWN division.  I'd think that the canvas would chafe, but everything could be blanket lined
• Front hook bras would have to be fastened with clevis pins instead of those wire things.  Add a hair-pin cotter to secure it, and you could go four-wheeling with no fear of popping out.  Plus, if the pin was missing from the manure spreader, there be a spare right on hand, or chest.
• If the clevis pin doesn't work, a Grade 5 grab hook, or for upscale units, Grade 80 or 100.
• Tank tops with invisible UV protection, including sleeves.  A tan is one thing, having skin that matches your saddle when you hit 30 is another.  And then there's that whole melanoma thing.
• Absolutely no thongs - thongs are strips of leather used to lace other pieces of leather, not something that would be at all comfy in leaky waders or a metal tractor seat for hours in 95 degree heat.
• Underpants with relief ports, so that you could pee in the pasture or woods without exposing all of your mysterious lady parts* to chiggers and ticks for too long.
• Bras for women Academy students would have recoil pads built into the straps, for shotgun training.

Some day my true genius will be recognized.

(* Talladega Nights or Stepbrothers, I can't remember which)