Things I Learned Working a Detail in the Hollers of SE Ohio

• Every K9 cars smells like dog ass, but some are worse than others.
• If your partner knows that you get queasy at the smell of decomp, every stop made will be next to a rotting deer carcass.  If your partner doesn't know that you get queasy at the smell of decomp, every stop made will be next to a rotting deer carcass.
• With all the advances in technology, radios work just as badly as they did a quarter century ago.
• Humans haven't evolved at all since I was last a road cop.
• Watch out for that ditch - it's still there.
• Don't do drugs if you are 9 months pregnant, at least not on the day the cops stop you.  At the very least, not on the night the cops stop you.
• If you stop a car and one of the occupants is 9 months pregnant,  immediately form a prayer circle and beg that she doesn't go into labor.  And ask how many kids she's already had - this one might just slide out without warning, preceded by baggies of meth, heroin and pills.
• If you find a piece of really cool, elaborate and fragile drug paraphernalia, and it's 3:00 AM, and dew is starting to collect on the hood of a cruiser, and it's slightly sloped, don't set it there.  Just don't.
• If a person has been in 3 prisons, and tells you that they are "rehabilitated," they aren't.
• Young whippersnapper cops don't know how good that have it.  Now that guys all wear baggy shorts with no belts that hang down around their ankles, they are a lot easier to search than back when everything was tight and held on with 14 studded leather belts, each one of which had at least a dozen carpet tacks sticking out through it to stab your hands.
• Apparently somewhere in time, driver's licenses became optional, or so it seems, or maybe there's a handout at the License Bureau that makes it sound like a Bedroom Drawer License.
• When I ask" do you have a license?" i'm asking if you have met the legal and physical requirements to earn a permit.
• I will then ask "where's it at?"  THAT'S when you tell me it's in a dresser drawer at yours MawMaw's house.  That's also where I'll be thinking the gun and unanswered Notices To Appear are.

Great time, thanks to Luke J, and his partner for not eating me.